Childhood
For the last few years I've often wondered at the new state of my mind in that more and more of my thoughts are of God. I've marveled with an almost objective curiosity that to be so consumed is highly irregular...and more subjectively that its just plain weird. At times I've even pondered if such an obsession was even healthy. But I have gained and continue to gain so much from my relationship with God that I simply cannot entertain the alternative of life on my own terms again. Still I could not quite put my finger on the nature of the delight which holds fast my heart to His, and keeps my thoughts gazing ever higher into His thoughts.
This morning as I lay in bed I reflected on a dear friend of ours who has himself, by the encouragement and friendship of my husband, begun to pursue God more closely. He began going to church with us a while back in the midst of a personal struggle. In just a short time we could see a change beginning to occur. But as it will, life quickly interjected and distracted him so that his Sundays were consumed with obligation upon obligation. The other day he went to the Wednesday night service at church because he realized that something was missing and he could not wait for Sunday. He shared with my husband that even though his personal struggles were far from over he had during those first few weeks experienced a greater sense of peace, hope and comfort. When he stopped going that comfort drained away.
As I thought about this epiphany our friend had received I marveled at how profound the touch of the living God is. I sought out an analogy for this experience. The all consuming nature of the presence of God and how quickly the soul can become dependent on such nurturing love, must have counterpart in human relationships. "Loving God in this doting way," I thought, "is like having a child. For you must love and attend to it at all times." But no this was not quite right. The Holy Spirit must have nudged me. And then it clicked...Loving God is not like loving a child, it is like BEING a beloved child. Instantly I heard the words of Christ echo in my mind: "You must be born again." (John 3:7)
The words I had read and heard a thousand times now made sense. I had always heard it as a requirement. As in, "if you want to go to heaven, you're gonna have to be born again." And certainly there is that. But for the first time I heard it as an AH-HA revelation; "well of course, that's why you are utterly dependent on Him, you must be born again! That explains it!"
I have begun childhood anew. Just as the child looks to her Father for approval so do I long to do those things which please Him. Just as the child goes to her father for answers, so do I seek wisdom from my God and consume books and music and knowledge of Him. I am the child cuddling up to Him at the end of the day, and bounding into His arms in the morning for kisses and togetherness before the day begins.
But oh, I'm also the wanton willful child demanding what she wants. I'm also the prideful petulant child who tries to do things her own way. Yes indeed I am. But He is the Good Father, gentle but firm. Not giving in to my demands, dispensing discipline as needed and displaying infinite patience. What do I know of the bright and shiny colorful baubles that capture my attention? I reach for them but He alone knows what is sharp, what is poison, and what will burn. He knows if I am not yet ready for a thing. He knows if I have already had too much, or if I can not pay the price. And so He deftly moves those things out of reach. And when I stomp my foot and cry, He lifts me up into His arms and holds me. Whispers to me of love, distracts me with a song, a game or a story. Whatever it is it is always something of Himself.
This is why our friend felt comforted even though God has not yet solved all his problems. He is being held by God. And every child knows that there is no better, safer, more delightful place than his father's arms. This is why my every other thought is of God. Like a new born babe, He is my life entire. He is my sustenance, my comfort, my safety, my teacher, my friend, my delight. He is my God, and He is my Father.
And so if I give you only this one thing: "You must be born again!" Hear, I beg you my tone in these written words, it is not preaching at you. I am saying you have got to try this! It's amazing. It's awesome, you won't want to live any other way. Be a child of God! He's the best Dad ever!
And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 18:2
This morning as I lay in bed I reflected on a dear friend of ours who has himself, by the encouragement and friendship of my husband, begun to pursue God more closely. He began going to church with us a while back in the midst of a personal struggle. In just a short time we could see a change beginning to occur. But as it will, life quickly interjected and distracted him so that his Sundays were consumed with obligation upon obligation. The other day he went to the Wednesday night service at church because he realized that something was missing and he could not wait for Sunday. He shared with my husband that even though his personal struggles were far from over he had during those first few weeks experienced a greater sense of peace, hope and comfort. When he stopped going that comfort drained away.
As I thought about this epiphany our friend had received I marveled at how profound the touch of the living God is. I sought out an analogy for this experience. The all consuming nature of the presence of God and how quickly the soul can become dependent on such nurturing love, must have counterpart in human relationships. "Loving God in this doting way," I thought, "is like having a child. For you must love and attend to it at all times." But no this was not quite right. The Holy Spirit must have nudged me. And then it clicked...Loving God is not like loving a child, it is like BEING a beloved child. Instantly I heard the words of Christ echo in my mind: "You must be born again." (John 3:7)
The words I had read and heard a thousand times now made sense. I had always heard it as a requirement. As in, "if you want to go to heaven, you're gonna have to be born again." And certainly there is that. But for the first time I heard it as an AH-HA revelation; "well of course, that's why you are utterly dependent on Him, you must be born again! That explains it!"
I have begun childhood anew. Just as the child looks to her Father for approval so do I long to do those things which please Him. Just as the child goes to her father for answers, so do I seek wisdom from my God and consume books and music and knowledge of Him. I am the child cuddling up to Him at the end of the day, and bounding into His arms in the morning for kisses and togetherness before the day begins.
But oh, I'm also the wanton willful child demanding what she wants. I'm also the prideful petulant child who tries to do things her own way. Yes indeed I am. But He is the Good Father, gentle but firm. Not giving in to my demands, dispensing discipline as needed and displaying infinite patience. What do I know of the bright and shiny colorful baubles that capture my attention? I reach for them but He alone knows what is sharp, what is poison, and what will burn. He knows if I am not yet ready for a thing. He knows if I have already had too much, or if I can not pay the price. And so He deftly moves those things out of reach. And when I stomp my foot and cry, He lifts me up into His arms and holds me. Whispers to me of love, distracts me with a song, a game or a story. Whatever it is it is always something of Himself.
This is why our friend felt comforted even though God has not yet solved all his problems. He is being held by God. And every child knows that there is no better, safer, more delightful place than his father's arms. This is why my every other thought is of God. Like a new born babe, He is my life entire. He is my sustenance, my comfort, my safety, my teacher, my friend, my delight. He is my God, and He is my Father.
And so if I give you only this one thing: "You must be born again!" Hear, I beg you my tone in these written words, it is not preaching at you. I am saying you have got to try this! It's amazing. It's awesome, you won't want to live any other way. Be a child of God! He's the best Dad ever!
And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 18:2
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